perfectly tortured
by doseofdream
Summary: *SPOILER ALERT, DON'T READ IF YOU'RE NOT CATCHING UP WITH MANGA, LET'S SAY IT HAPPENED BETWEEN CHAPTER 507 AND 521. (KINDA) GRUVIA DRABBLE* Maybe it was not because of E.N.D that Gray would have to continue suffering the same pain over and over again. Maybe it was him and his fate to have people, whom he loved, died. Suddenly his pain turned into anger; it's time to end this curse.


**A/N: Let's say this happens between ch 507 and 521. I was eagerly waiting for the chapter where Gray woke up next to Juvia, but it didn't happen. Mashima just skipped it to the part that he met Zeref uh. I know it's late, but it's just crossed my mind to write this missing piece and hope you still enjoy it.**

The first thing that crossed Gray's mind the moment he woke up was Juvia. He remembered her voice calling out to him when he was about to destroy Natsu. He instantly turned to see Juvia who was still laid unconscious. He couldn't believe that she was alive because he saw his own eyes when she took her own life. To protect him. He had tried to protect her too. But he failed miserably. Just like when he failed to protect his parents. And Ur. He closed his eyes tightly, trying to forget his shameful failure. But the harder he tried to forget, the more he seemed remember. As the memory came back to him, the guilt began, crushing him.

If only Wendy didn't make it in time, Juvia could have really gone.

He laid his head in his hands, letting the torment wash over him, and he cried racking great sob. He cried for almost killing his own friend. He cried for he was not strong enough to protect his own parents and Ur. He cried hardest of all for he was stronger, but _still_ failed to protect Juvia. She was his sunlight that warmed the dark cornered his heart. She was his fresh breath of air, and he almost lost her.

Maybe it was not because of E.N.D that Gray would have to continue suffering the same pain over and over again. Maybe it was him and his fate to have people, which he loved, died. Suddenly his pain turned into anger; it's time to end this curse.

As he was about to leave to meet Zeref, he heard her soft voice. "Gray-sama, where are you going?"

He startled, yet he neither moved nor answered her. His pain was too fresh and he didn't want to share it with her. He didn't need to hear her irrationalizing his decision to end this curse. It was almost he enjoyed feeling the pain and heaviness in his chest. He felt that he deserved the pain of shame, guilt, and inadequacy. His existence were the reasons that people he loved dying.

His eyes widened when Juvia embraced him compassionately from behind. It was not uncommon that Juvia embraced him, but it was different this time. She didn't need to say anything for he could feel that her heart cried with him. She was always able to read him. She must have sensed his pain. The pain of shame and guilt and inadequacy that had consumed him for all of his life.

"Gray-sama, Juvia won't do anything stupid. Juvia will live, Juvia promises," she whispered near his ears, quietly shedding her tears. "So please don't do anything stupid. Juvia won't let you go until you promise her."

Gray turned to see her. He summoned enough courage to be able to give her a reassuring smile that made her forget the reasons she shed her tears. "I won't. I just need to take care of something." He knew her well. She would insist to follow him, and she would not give up until she got what she wanted. Before she could say anything, he moved the hair away from her forehead and kissed her forehead. "I promise," he lied.

She looked up at his face, searching for truth in his words. But his gaze didn't flinch and his face was calm; as if he told her the truth. He knew when she eventually learnt the truth, she would be hurt, but it would not kill her. She would be safe and alive without him. And so would people around him that he loved.

Her feelings of trust in him had not diminished, even though she was still reluctant to let him go. Deep down, she was scared if he would not come back to her side. It was either she voiced her objection or forever held her tongue. Yet, she chose the latter one.

She let him go.


End file.
